I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
