i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
