Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
