We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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