so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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