ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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