Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
