I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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