I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
