it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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