woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize