im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
