im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
