Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
