Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
