I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize