im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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