you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
