I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I skipped work to stalk him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
