I need help removing her.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
