smell my finger.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
