Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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