umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
