She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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