So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
