True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize