i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
