I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
