and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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