my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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