I intend to get homeless drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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