loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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