one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The Olympian is in my bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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