Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i barfeds in our rink
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i will never coherently bang her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
