some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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