I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
