Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
