I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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