Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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