Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
