i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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