things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
