hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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