So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
