Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
