It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
