I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She bit a glass in half.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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