My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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