What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
