if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize