is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
