well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
