It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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