i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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