Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
