Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
