New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
