She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
