Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
