2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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