Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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