No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
