Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
