This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
