I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
