You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
