Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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