Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
