No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
