That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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